And our tale adds another chapter Chapter 6 I placed the remote down... the VCR spinning the tape to the end... where it would then auto rewind. / What does it mean to exist?/ The question prodded my mind... it wouldn't be ignored. My thoughts shifted into my own mind... [Do you have a reason to exist?] I don't understand the question. [Shinji has his... but do you have a reason to exist?] No... [So then you don't exist?] I exist... but I don't matter. [Why don't you matter?] It's not important. [Why?] Because I'm not important. [Circular logic. "I don't matter because I am not important."] Maybe it is because of circular logic that I exist? [You doubt your words] Because they are my words and I am nothing. [Your words are nothing?] Because I am nothing. [If you are nothing then how are we talking? I don't know. [Doubt So what? [Evasion I'm not evading [Deceit Yes... I am misleading you... I am awful. [For your words? No... simply because I am awful. [Why? Because I hate myself. [Why? Because I have no purpose. [Everyone has a purpose. Not me. I'm nothing. I'm awful. I hate myself. [Why? Because I have no purpose [Deceit. No it isn't... I'm not lying. I hate myself. No one loves me. [Does it matter? Yes it does. It does to me. [How can something matter to nothing? It just does. [If something matters to nothing then nothing must be something. I guess. [Why does it matter to you I don't know. [Why? I don't know. [Evasion. I want to be loved. [But to be loved must you not hate yourself first? Why should I? [Because how can one love one who hates themselves? I don't know. [Doubt. Of course I doubt. I doubt why I exist. I doubt the ability of me to like myself. I doubt the ability for others to like me. [Your mother liked you. She was forced to. She was my mother after all... it is hard for a parent to hate their child overlong. [You doubt a mother's love? I doubt any love for me. [But yet you hope for love... how? I hope there is someone who can love me for who I am. [Faults and all? Yes. [Contradiction. I know. [Why is it you want love, but cannot accept it? I don't know... [ You don't know or you can't say? I can't say... {Blackness} {Light... Sound a place above the session. Ego: You think he'll be better because of this? Ami: Oh Ego he has to be... he just has to... if he goes on living like this... then... Hope: How is he doing... and don't turn around. Ego *halting*: A bit better we hope... but we just don't know Hope. Ami: All we have is hope. Hope: That's why I'm here. I'll be near... don't look for me. {Later... Below} [Why do you think you exist? To exist. [Insufficient. To hate myself. [That is not a purpose. It is mine. [By hating yourself you have a purpose... therefore you have a reason to exist... therefore you exist to hate yourself. Yes... you are correct. [No I am quite wrong. How do you expect someone to love you? I don't know. [Why? Because I don't [Why? I already said why. [Deceit. Why? I am afraid. [Of What? Knowing why. [You are afraid of knowing why you hate yourself? Yes. [Why? Because I fear it is baseless. [So you hope you are not here to just hate yourself? Yes... I hope that is so. [Why? Like you said... no one can love someone who only hates. [You hate? Yes... I hate myself, Because I exist without purpose. [What do you wish your purpose was? To be loved. [And it is not already? I'm too full of hate. [At? Myself... the world... everything. [Why? Because I can't fulfill the purpose I desire. [Greed Is it so wrong? [Vanity. I just want to be happy! [Then be happy. I can't [Why? Because I am unhappy. [Your unhappiness is all in your mind. I know that. [Then change. I can't [Why? The world won't let me. [Why? It likes me as I am. [And that is not enough? No... because I cannot love... or be loved. [Ami loves you. Because I created her to. [But she loves you. She doesn't exist! [She exists in your mind. That doesn't matter. [You love her. That matters less. [Because she doesn't exist? Yes... no. [Evasion. Yes because it is that I love another, and no because the fact remains she is immaterial. [But if she were material you could love her? I don't know [Why? How could she love me if I'd yet to stop hating myself? [If you stopped could you love her? Yes... [But could she still love you? I don't know. [Why? Because I made her when I hated myself. The spark may be gone. [You like to torture yourself this way? It is one of the ways I prove I exist... even without a purpose. [Abuse of yourself gains nothing. It is not a purpose. It's something to do. [There are other things to do. Like what. [You could try to like yourself. Improbable. [Why? I do not like myself. [People change. Improbable [Ami likes you... she is a part of you. Therefore some part of you wants to stop the hate. It's in the minority [Why? Because it almost doesn't exist. And even if it did... it would just be another thing in existence for me to ignore. [You ignore those who exist? I ignore myself. [You ignore those who exist? I exist with them... and they are happy that I too exist. They like me as I am but I do not like me as I am. I want to change. [Then change. I can't. [Nothing is set in stone. No? [No... Everything changes... people change... you can change. Because it is not written in stone? [Correct. But you said you are always wrong. [On this I am correct. Why? [Because you accepted it... therefore what was wrong becomes what is right. It is now accepted... it therefore can't be wrong... Can it? Why are you asking me?! [Because you are the one who questions the self, and I am the one who questions why you question the self. And So I question you. So if something is accepted it can't be wrong. . . Can it? I don't know. [Why do you doubt? Cause I do not trust my answer to be correct. [If you accept it, it is correct. I can't accept it. [Then it is wrong. Maybe. [Doubt. Of course I doubt. [Why do you doubt this time? I do not trust my answer. I can't trust it. [Why can't you trust it? Because it is my answer. [Could you agree if someone else agreed to it? Maybe... [Doubt. Why do you trust so little? I do not trust myself. [Why do you not trust yourself? Because I can be wrong. [Is it because you hate yourself? Yes... I can't trust what I hate. [But you don't trust others... and so you hate everyone. Hmm... you are repeating yourself. If someone were right would you trust them? Maybe... maybe I could trust them on the thing they were right about. [I say you that you hate yourself, and do not know truly why. Am I correct? Yes. [But I am wrong. How? [I do not accept that I am right about you. Therefore on that I am wrong. I don't understand. [What is right and wrong... truth or falsehood... is based on the individual. You believe that I am right about you hating yourself because you agree with that... but I do not agree. One of us has to be right... and I am wrong. You are agreeing to a Falsehood... so you too are wrong. But I hate myself! [That is wrong as I have already proven. But it's right to me! [But I am a Part of you... Ami is a Part of you... and we disagree. Therefore you are wrong to think you hate yourself because you do not entirely agree with yourself. You are manipulating me. [Correct. I am manipulating you. I am now more trustworthy... No... manipulating people is wrong. [Morality. That is not the issue here. I am more trustworthy because I am right on 2 things. I manipulate you, and you do not hate yourself entirely. You are confusing me. [Is it not man's existence to be confused? What makes up a quark? What makes up those? Infinite Regression. A thing which is confusing. You are right. [Another feather in my cap. Am I right in saying you'd LIKE to be able to like yourself? Yes. [You are headed down the right path now. Because if I don't hate myself, and I might be able to like myself... I may be able to love, and therefore by that I may have a purpose, and that I may exist? [If you did not exist... we wouldn't be talking... like I said before. Yes, you did. [So you Exist? Yes. [So you have a purpose in that you are trying to be loved? Yes. [So you would like to like yourself? Yes. [Then you must change. I must? [You must accept that you must change for this to be. Hate... to Love. Fear to Trust. Nothing to Something. And since I'm not nothing I'm on my way! [Yes. I exist. I can like myself. I can like me the way I am. I can accept that I am who I am. I can accept the world, for it accepts me. {Above} Ego: *hanging jaw* I almost don't believe it. Ami: We must hope that he is sincere. Hope: Hope survives... I must go now... I'm needed elsewhere. Ami: You sound tired Hope... does your day off approach? Hope: I... um... spent it already Ami. Ami: Did you have a good time. Hope: *quavering* Um... ah... yes Ami... I did. *quieter* A wonderful time. Hope: I must go now... Ego: Good luck. Hope: I hope I'll not need that... but thanks anyway. If I need it I hope it helps. Ami: Fight on, Hope. Hope: Be good to each other. {Below... Jason ejects the tape and puts it away. He considers smiling} The End.